You Ever Have Patches of "It Just Feels Like a Dream"???

I do.... not a bad dream, just when you think you had everything figured out, you saw the map that was your life stretching out ahead of you and suddenly things change, and it's like the map has suddenly become that of a different country so altho the path hasn't changed a lot, where you are and where you will be suddenly seems drastically different.

So dad died a couple of months back right?  Well since then we've heard from one of his long time mates who is the executor of his will that the property he had (which my money savvy mother had gotten for us as the family many many years ago as a house converted to flats) is going to be sold in the new year and the money coming to us 3 kids.  Hell, we'd never counted on anything from him so while I admit it more than crossed my mind after I heard he had died, it was still something you didn't actually factor into your life, but you know what?  I have been factoring it in and altho you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch, god damn I have just r...e...l...a...x...e...d... about my finances!  Mumma taught me well and I've been banging that mortgage away as fast as possible, no point having too much money in savings when it's earning no interest and I'm paying it on a mortgage right?! Next year sometime when the property is sold it'll be the end of my mortgage!!! Doesn't matter if I end up getting fuck all from it, if he had other debts (pretty sure he didn't tho LOL) cause the mortgage ain't huge anyway, but it'll be gone!!!!  The house can get finished!!!  I'm getting a sidecar for the bike for the dog before he dies (hell I was planning on doing that next year anyway but I would have been doing it cheap LOL) and I'm gonna be able to take my "sister to another mother" on a trip we promised to each other 15 yrs after the promise was made.

A chicky babe who has overcome such crap in her life, who has grown, who has shown such courage confronting so many demons on so many levels, who I am PROUD to include in my family and I made a deal that after she was sober for 5 yrs we would take a trip to Egypt.  Well, next year it will have been 15 yrs since she took the last drink that broke that addiction... She no longer runs away from her life or her past and tries to escape it and I am so sooooooooooo proud of her, and so next year, she and I and Marcus are going to Egypt and we're gonna do a safari in Africa on the way home which I've always wanted to do and I just know my old man is gonna be buzzing that he got to help me out with the house, that I won't have to work as many hours as I can possibly scratch up to get ahead, that I can stop breaking my body thru that work and that I will get to take Marcus overseas like that.  He would have absolutely approved of all of it.  Probably even the sidecar cause it'd mean I was less likely to tip the bike over LMAO.

And at the same time I have made the call to leave my twin flame/soul mate/dearest person to me to do his own thing... when you go up there to celebrate a birthday with them and you get ignored completely, even while staying in the house.... well.... it was an easy decision to make eh?  I don't force my company on anyone.  So, you know.... changes I wasn't expecting, like the landscape has changed so abruptly it has to be a dream, but not one I feel the need to wake up from, just one where it seems "strange," not-real, dream-like... like that new tangent, or direction hasn't been made my own yet the brain is still wrapping itself around the idea.

I thank my mother nearly every day for the financial savvy she imparted on me, means I've never NEEDED anyone to help me out, and I thank her for having her shit together enough it meant dad ended up with what he had cause now that's coming full circle.  Dad loved being able to help me out, always buying clothes and stuff for Marcus and sending them down, he had a thing about socks, having grown up, walking barefoot to school and ending up with chillblains that he complained about right thru to him leaving, so I still have socks in the packets here that I'll be using for years to come LOL.  He loved being able to do that, I know he'll be so happy to be able to help out so much more now.

He wasn't a good dad when he should have been, but he always thought he was dad still....

You know what???  I think I'm gonna take pretty much ALL of January off with the boy and we're gonna go explore :)